Thursday, 18 December 2014

your actual life turned into magic

In times like these she wished she was smoking. It was fitting- everything else she caused around herself was none less life-threatening and erotic to her. Pins and needles in her brain carved the silly little letters in  Arial like they appeared in the chat box.
"One day I'm going to kiss every single freckle on your body from head down to toe and back again."
Think whatever you will, like "it's a shilly-shally modern whim of a romance", but in fact it was a full attempted murder, Athena barely managed to get herself up on her weakened legs, her hands trembling. Her heart was racing for more than first place, it was headed towards a near-death experience, it pounded as if all the way up to her throat before gravity stopped it. So it intensified it's pulse even further, till it turned into a burning ball of excitement trying to find a way to jump out of her mouth and be free. Free of this madness.
Athena dragged herself to bed and fell down. Trembles spread across her entire existence, she was not a woman, she was an ocean and all of her was shaken- the entire depth and length and breadth, every little drop, to produce a myriad shimmers dashing wildly on her surface.
David was incapable of going downstairs in this absurd condition, he was so aroused he could pin a nail on the wall and finally hang that damn painting they received as gift last Christmas. He waddled to the bathroom and locked himself in, he can't show up with such an incriminating circumstance downstairs to the wife and kids. This sort of natural event simply didn't happen anymore for the past 3 years, David thought of it as his sexual retirement into the nursing home of a stable marriage. Fumbling through the stack of magazines his fingers picked the most demotivating one of all - Tractors, flipped the pages open and his brain pulled all its resources together to try and focus please on this spectacular new model with a revolutionary clutch and suspension. Focus, you old perv.
And his gaze slipped away into a haze of little printed letters- the words  slowly melting together. He was in the bathroom, but wasn't- enveloped entirely in his own fantasy, he projected a map of all the freckles he's definitely going to kiss someday. Hundreds of them. The pleasure of going over them again and again could last indefinitely, especially if you lose track of the freckles.
Athena had all the sense what they were doing would be called amoral in 197 autonomous countries around the globe and cared about none of those opinions. At the thought of him all the voices of judgement and fear dissolved into nothingness and resolved themselves in serenity. What made her feel off at times is she knew it was her doing all this, but it wasn't - as if the reflection did not match the original. Athena is a moral person, she never cheated in her life and always respected other relationships, she saw the "there's no rules in love" moto as a sad excuse for lacking self-control. Yet she didn't feel guilty. Not a single shred of remorse was to be found anywhere, and Athena made sure she swept the entirety of her heart and mind, who usually tortured her so much with their moral values, but now fell silent. After nearly 10 days of meticulous cleaning of dark corners, she stumbled upon the only concern she actually hadn't lost immediately - being hurt. Don't mistake this for the mark of a sensible person with some profitable plan. It was only the sign of a young woman scared she isn't making enough out of life.

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