безримово

въглеродно човече
хрупкаво фъстъче
направен си за консумация
консумацията да консумира теб
обичаш ли се
спиш ли кротко нощем
сънуваш ли
сънуваш ли, че летиш
сънуваш ли въобще
facebook  те чете
защо реши, че е обратното?

a bag of makeup

L'Oreal имат нов фон дьо тен
ще скрия с него синините
всичките следи от теб
жестокостта ти съществува
само между четири стени
само между четири очи
като потаен и изчезващ вид
имам цяло чекмедже
посветено на това да скрия своя срам
Max Factor имат хубав фон дьо тен,
но за да съм сигурна ще сложа шал
големи тъмни очила
класика, да,
класиката на пребивана жена
мандибулата се откача
единият резец ми трака
но оставам и обичам те
тъй както болен се отъждествява
с рака, който го яде

(...)

Още мисли

You're either with me or not. No middle ground. If you're with me you get to share your weight and don't argue about it. I can be obedient and leave you at peace when you say you want it, I can judge I should stay with you. I will be gentle and I will be harsh. That's not even a millionth of what you'll get. Love is a variety package. Accept it.




"Nothing makes a man feel better than a woman."
Method Man
addition: "Nothing can make a man feel worse."
me



Congratulations! You're loved! And you just make everybody who love you miserable.


(24.07.09)

дефицит

нямам думи да изразя как съм.
затова не ме питайте.
прерових торбата до дъното
и сред милионите ченгелчета и чертички
не намерих и една комбинация, която да пасва.
хубаво е, че нищо не искам да казвам.
как съм? добре съм, естествено.
честно.

---------------
старо и винаги актуално (17.10.09)

love is...имаше такива дъвки едно време

любов като едно проточено убийство
плод нездрав на неразбрани чувства
непростено зло и смачкани мечти
изписваш с устни гневно свити
със заострените им презрителни ъгли
като ко-синусуида
любовта ни пада
после се издига
докато ни изяде
кокала през кожата прозира и боде
пързалят се сълзи по моето лице
с тях соля вечерята на общата ни маса
приготвена с желание и пълен неуспех
нощта предлага ни безформена утеха
сливи дадени за смет- усилията ми
да зашия във усмивка
твойта скъсана уста

words of wisdom

[8/11/2012 4:52:13 PM] - V: никога няма да си нещо повече от цици
[8/11/2012 4:52:15 PM] - V: запомни го
[8/11/2012 4:52:19 PM] - V: колкото и да се стараеш



гласувайте "да" или "не" за това дали да призная истинската си природа на 100% бюст и никаква личност

miss u

and this is when a man realizes he misses her

but nah you'd say, nature is not that simple

well...

sadly not all are spiritual beings

unique and special snowflake

So I was thinking, at work, as you should do so your brain doesn't rot from too much monkey-manual labor, about the idea of finding this one unique person you'd love for the rest of your life, your soulmate. I found out people think of the soulmate as the lover-partner in their life, the opposite sex in most cases. This is where I found the first difference, I never had this restriction- believing a soulmate is the opposite sex, I've often thought of my female friends as soulmates. The second difference is it's supposed to be one unique person who grasps you completely. But why one person? Is it demeaning to the concept of a "soulmate" that each of us can have more than one? Think hard of your good friends and why you are with them. Don't they feel like they have a profound bond to you, like they've known you from ages before you met and no matter what happens things will never be irreparable and awkward to the point of unfamiliarity between you? So are these friends not worthy to be called your soulmates? For me they are, and I see nothing incorrect in praising these people, because to me they are as much a family as a lover would be. 

Let's throw away my concepts, they are not the main point here, though they are important to know you must forget them for the time being and think of the mass idea- there is one person in this world, a unique snowflake, who matches your unique snowflake shape to compliment it. Okay, supposedly there is an infinite diversity, and we there are currently a bit over 7 billion of us on Earth, and so the thesis of unrepeated individuality seems legitimate. However, we all know people who are too similar to each other, and this is because individuality is shaped by a well-big number of circumstances and conditions, but they are not quite as diverse in actuality, as in theory. For example, moms and dads are a restricted number of types, and they differ greatly only in the small details. We are all unique in the insignificant detail and how they are combined in us. The fact of the matter is, we can love somebody for the details, but we can disregard the details we do not like about him, given certain desires and mindset.

As this makes for a legitimate, even mathematical argument against the idea of uniqueness, people themselves are walking discrepancies of their own belief of the one true soulmate. Nobody really has information how this person they are searching for looks like, right? Even if it came to you in a dream you had, this is no dependable source of information. However, what people do is they set firmly an appearance for their unique soulmate. Whether a woman demands a strong tall man, or a male sees his female counterpart as bone-thin and "cool" as in not wearing makeup and fake satin dresses, it's all the same. Demanding blue or green eyes from your soulmate might as well guarantee you that you miss him/her. Given clothes hint about a person's character, there is also the chance you interpret them wrongly, because crappy people wear all sorts of attire, honestly! The fact a person can still find happiness and he would pledge it is true love under these circumstances with different men/women only shows soulmates either don't exist, or are not unique at all, the fundamental mass concept is all wrong. The understanding and admittance of our own shallowness and pretense is a painful achievement. Human nature is not as beautiful as certain leaflets want you to believe, don't read the pretty banners and the dreamy photos of sunsets with "wise" words in a suitable font on them. Perhaps my pride that I have set no such physical limitations is stupid, but I find some utility in this fact. Of course I don't like every appearance, but I give character a chance to shine and blind my tastes in physique (because we all have them actually, as liquid as they may be). The reason to remain with one person for the rest of your life is he gives you what you need, you bond and this is a process that takes time and emotional investment and once you have such a man/woman beside you, there is no need to change them, ever, you are committed and whole, but this might as well have been somebody else with the same general personality and intentions. Just do not tell yourself that when you look at them, NEVER. Forget it and live the illusion of uniqueness, it is the spice that makes the food tastier. We've mastered the craft of living with our own bullshit for the sake of a fairy-tale life. Perhaps we should've burned those books ages ago, but tales are a core part of our nature and maybe they are actually the product and tool of it, our nature triggered their existence and not vice versa.

Yes, you are bullshitting yourself, but do not reveal this, you will probably never get over it and deal with it. After all, you are only human...

$

"...even if somebody loves you enough to save your life, they will still castrate you."
~ from some blue-collar author

remember

We're sown together
She's born to mesmer
Beside, astride her
I die inside her

I want you to remember these words

Садизъм

Умът ми крие го- садизъм.
Страстни помисли за твойта болка
Полепнали са здраво с моят ужас.

(Кафето си го пия в халби,
страхлив подход да се отслабя,
преди да се допра до теб)

Желанието ми се облизва.
В главата ми със нокти драска.
В очите ми дали се вижда?
Юмруците са мойта ласка
Грубостта ми те обижда.
Но подозрението ми те харесва,
казва, че на тебе ти харесва
тази болка, щом е дадена от мен.



--------------
от преди 8-9 месеца, или 2 години, но няма значение

anger

bask in the light of their happiness

feel how it's giving you cancer

is it?

Is it my insomnia or is it a messed up regime?
Am I frentic? Did I achieve it or was I born this way?
I cannot remember a time when my brain was calm and released. Only short periods, like summer vacations, like spa weekends for my cortex and my spirit. 
And oh I always know so much and I am regularly so confused by myself.
Yes, of course I know what I want1 Yes, of course I make firm decisions!
Oh, I knew it was wrong, I knew it was unsafe and stupid, I knew it, I saw the glimmer of the tragic end from the bright beginning! I want to give you up. No, I can't give you up. It's unthinkable.
I made a mistake.
I have to correct it.
No, first I have to carry it out until it ruins me completely.



The "yes" and the "no"s, the back and forths, they are a senseless motion of no use.
Did I make it visible to you? Is it plain to see?
That's pretty much me- small, second-guessing and twitching.
I am noone to admire.

you are

you are a grey area. you are perfectly suitable to accommodate me. and i will shine. but you will never interest me. you are a grey area.
my bright alien radiance is hungry for a kindred existence.
you will be my tool to attract it.

за когото и да е

Букет прекрасни рози, пристигащи всеки ден от неизвестността…
Бързи, страстни писъмца, които обещават света…
Нежно пожелание, всеотдайно обожание…
Един мистериозно влюбен мъж, който дава всичко и не иска много… само сърцето й!
Това вече беше нещо, за което можеше да мечтае…
Нещо, за което си струваше да рискува традиции, възпитание, дълг…
И то беше повече от нея самата!…
Беше всичко!
Има удоволствия, по-високи от цената, изкушения, с които си струва да се изгориш! А единственият начин да им се противопоставиш е просто като ги изживееш!
И тя не се поколеба.


пс. Няма да ви кажа това от къде е. За да ви е гадно. Защото и на мен ми е гадно.

 -------------------------
ппс: това изобщо не съм го писала аз. директно и изцяло изкопирано е, и е многогодишна публикация. и пак, няма да ви кажа откъде е. защото и на мен ми беше гадно, когато го копирах. преди години.

I Love!!!

Life!!!
Не че снощи беше особено яка вечер, не че музиката ми хареса толкова, колкото очаквах, но днес се събудих след 2 часа сън влюбена в живота и преизпълнена с вяра в успех, добруване и каквито още такива прекрасни думи можете на нанижете на редичката.
Майната й на несигурността, майната му на меренето на всяка крачка, не знам как някои хора живеят така- това не е живот!
Искам да си играя със себе си и живота си все едно съм в пиеса, филм, забавна постановка- със същата лекота, с която го прави и съдбата; така двете с нея много повече ще се забавляваме.

Attic erratic

In a dark room in the attic
best place where to act erratic
Where the torn off dress's no crime
all wicked spirits reach their prime
I'll pin you down lain on your back
with my hands pressing on your shoulders
Tonight I'm giving all the special orders
as you stare back at me like a doll
while I press your buttons in a roll
till I force you in convulsions
arching, twitching, strapped
in associations of repulsion
sprawled out helpless on the bed
I clutch the blond locks your of head
I pull and wait for countenance of pain
there's nothing I'd love more than rain
right now, right in these doll-dead eyes
my insolence evokes in them surprise
A scream so brisk and short torn off your lips
I slid my hand lower and offered you tips
breathing down words on your skin
engraving them subtly within
I pull myself up to look at the scene
Trying to remember when you were clean
when the porcelain complexion was real
and your eyes could still make me feel

An old rag in the attic reminds me of you
used up, dirty and tattered (by me)
gently moving my hand down your body
I absorb all - that is, all left to see
Jump off, I pick up my coat and my gown
and you cry "Joana! Don't leave me down!"
But I just leave you the footsteps in dust
as you lay helpless among heaps of rust

my ice-cream world

вероятно идеята за космическия ред на някое племе глутони

представям си щастието на едно такова съществуване и същевременната му ограниченост

ironicaly witty

I'm ready to travel

back with the random

I'm not known for holding a grudge. I usually throw it right back at you, aiming for the face.


If you're a good boy I'll allow you to worship me.


В тунела не е предвидено да има светлина.


Our intentions are good, so I guess I'll see you in Hell.


Baby's prone to crashing, and I'm her crash-test dummy.


If you do not burn for me, you cannot have me.

silly woman

sometimes I feel like I make the world die around me