твърдо и меко

извън мен няма свят

отвътре аз съм куха

удари ме

аз ще те обгърна

силата ти ще се губи

в ласката на мойта мекота

what you are

you are a human being. with all your best intentions, you will lie to me, deceive me, and scar me forever. maybe on purpose, or maybe to spare me some small pain in short-term, and your discomfort. isn't that right? my pain is your discomfort and it's so much easier to lie, even to yourself if you have to. it's in your fearful, puny, indignant genes. my wrath is your discomfort. lie to me, it makes things easier. lie to me. lie to me. lie to me. lie to me like you've done before. lie to me, look me in the eyes and do it like you've done before. with all your heart, lie to me, so I believe you. it's me who will crash and burn later. you are free to move on. lie to me, i do not matter, but i must not know.

флобер (но няма нищо общо)

ти ли възпитаваш чувствата си
или те ще възпитават теб
на слабост и мъчение
как тленното да вземе връх
в грозното душевно откровение
обгърнат целия в реакции
отдаден духом в своята плът
оплетен в свят на страшни сенки
със зъбите ще скърцаш всеки път
в ужас някой нещо твое да не вземе
мръсна
мръсна
като кал, като катран
всяка клетка трепка в срам
обречена в болезнени копнежи
и възпита се как да гориш
потиш се, тръпнеш, гърчиш се
от всеки досег с този свят
привързан към пръстта
към молекулите
боклукът и небето мръсно
танцуваш tango muerte
в очакване да стане твърде късно
да превъзпиташ упование в духа
да се научиш да се плъзгаш,
а не вкопчваш във света


(probably unfinished, I still don't know)

it's me

Това съм аз- от плът и кръв! От толкова плът и кръв, че не можеш да ме превъзмогнеш.

I feel you

пробив

You've discovered the sense of incapability alone, but others taught you the sense of failure.

(да се разглежда като въпрос)

парченце от нещо старо

...Между вдишванията си поех те, и не мога да издишам, за да те освободя.

Наздраве

Наздраве! За ваше здраве! Здраве като море-  на дъното пълно с ужасни и гнили изненади.

старо и забравено

за когото не си струва
ние не плачем
за лъжливите- не пеем
на нечестните- не правим път
и безочливо в очите ви смеем,
както подло смеете се зад нашия гръб



за приятели на кредит
лев не давам
инвалид съм
не мога да предавам
не се научих за себе си да отмъщавам
но не съм без зъби, нокти, револвер и нож
въоръжих се заради добри приятели
озлобих се с твоята  любов

за тези, които всичко в себе си давали
за другите богати на боклук
лицето си отказах да прикрия
за да видите душата ми
какво крещи по моят лик


ние сме кървящи хора
и не сме един и двама
ние сме огромна мразеща тълпа
но не научихме как да прескачаме калта
спънете ни
ще ви подминем
мразете ни
но всичко, за което сме мечтали
ние ще постигнем

some of what they say

I won't let love disrupt, corrupt or interrupt me
I want love to come right up and bite me

show me how it's all my fault

2

you inspire me. you don't even have to do a damn thing but be (yourself).
and it fills me up.

Deborah Loves Rudy

This is one of those lethal love stories. Not the ones that make you puke, but shiver. Deborah loves Rudy. She’s overwhelmed by the sweetness, which cannot be explained, you either feel it, or it is alien to you. Never before had Deborah felt it, never! What’s this brilliant being, how lucky they are to be graced with love! For the first time she is ready to say “yes” , to pledge for eternity to him, to pledge all of herself. Deborah is true in her emotions and devotion, but what she cannot see is how exquisitely her lover lies. He’s a master of the art, he’s learnt to fake every single little gesture of affection and attention to perfection. He kisses, he touches, he gives and feels but a thing in his shell of a body and all his efforts are subjected to one hidden purpose. Hurt her and hurt her brother. Imagine the man you love with all your heart, imagine the power of these feelings. Now discover all his moves are aimed at the ultimate goal of destroying you.  Completely.  In horrible pain. The most adored person in your life dreams to cut off your limbs and bleed you dry. That’s what Rudy wants from Deborah. There’s no love in play here. There’s only a hunter and the hunted. Deborah only serves a purpose for Rudy. The sad thing is this isn’t a love story that happens too rarely. Lovers kill each other so damn often  we  can’t even believe in a love devoid of the monster element. When you feel you are being slowly devoured, will you run? Will you abandon a dysfunctional love for your survival? Survival is a chance. The love of Deborah and Rudy is a dead end. We know who would’ve died. To think that would’ve made an impact is naïve. It’s like thinking another good supper somehow alters your future. No, you will be sacrificed for entertainment or pleasure or some goal. There are many ways to kill a lover, draining him of blood is only one of them. You can be digested slowly day after day, maimed and altered, until you cannot recognize yourself as you talk, as you move, only in the mirror you will appear the same, but probably your eyes would’ve lost their glimmer. No, Deborah will stop loving Rudy. There was never any love to begin with, only the nurtured illusion of such. If you run fast enough you will make it. You will become whole again in time. Rudy does not deserve your tears and your pain, he is the insignificant scum who will never be able to experience your joy and nobility. He is just a consumer and an ambitious rat. Deborah will love again, and she will love better.

key

Имам брадва, знам че тя е ключът към сърцето ти.
(или универсалният ключ към всички сърца)

afterparty

An overwhelming loneliness washes over occasionally, especially on a Sunday after a Saturday night party. And it doesn't matter how good you look.

A La Rouche Fouquot?

A La Rouche Fouquot къде да намеря? Остроумните хапки са навсякъде. Но аз търся цялост.

1

and at the same time how horrible it must be to never be either alone or lonely. how will you acknowledge your own individual existence?

I wash dishes

You stumble upon little traces of my presence, the results of my workings, and you take them so naturally, as a piece of the picture, and never wonder what or who caused them. I will disappear and they along with me, and again you will take it so naturally and never wonder. As if there is no change at all. I pass through your life unnoticed, making changes for which you will never thank me. I am Ghost.




--------------------------------
does a change (an influence) that goes unnoticed matter at all?