Random thoughts

*You are as pretty as a picture and as rotten as dog breath. Does beauty overwhelm me so much or do I only enjoy the demised? The lost causes.
*I'm watching your life from the side-line. I try to slip myself in subtly and feel the colours. I'm not even sure if I want to figure things out..I just want it to be different.
*Sticks and snails and puppy dog tails- magic is what we need, magic is through what we breathe. In an obnoxious world of lies and deceit-this sounds old. But old is gold because it's experience proven to be most often true.
*Egotism is a remedy for guilt. Think about it. Think hard!

*I would say I swing between misanthropy and philanthropy but I find no real space in that in-betweenness. I love the few close to me and I continue to be confused about the rest of humanity.
*Moral mixes us up. We are not ready for such a leap away from our nature as some moral dogmas expect from us. Overcome yourself, but through real ascend of spirit and feeling, not through the fear of punishment or demise moral promises us.
*Pain addicts are not fictional just like painkiller addicts are not fictional.
*When slit-wrist philosophy is the first you think of you have a problem...even more- you are as good as trash at the moment.
*Is Nowhere the center of the Universe?
*Small men are often small out of fatigue or idleness, finding peace and satisfaction and even decorum in this. They have no desire to risk and try hard growing up. It needs sacrifice.
*Monkey see, monkey do. And you'd be surprised if you take a look around and estimate to what a portion of society you can apply this.
*And in the peace of mind I find the end of my life as a creator.
*I'd like you to tell me, Man, who crowned you King of this jungle?
* If you want to go to the source you should not drift, but swim against the stream.
* Kiss- ass or kick- ass : the two ways to go up the stairs.
* On top of your heart I see a man. Yes, and he is riding it, guiding it and you are completely subordinate to him, Woman.
* When I pull this string to the left- the puppet pulls the trigger. And that is how society is controlled by some people.
* The atom bomb is the Mother of all bombs, and now the Russians claim the vacuum bomb is the Father?! Humanity has gone ridiculous long ago and since we have the Mothers and Fathers I say we use them to end the pitiful existence.
* Great men are often cruel men. But they are men without fear of sacrifice and they shall be remembered.
* If you believe in eternity our lives are so small and our lifespans so short all we do on Earth is irrelevant to the course of the Universe.
* How come I always aim for the sun, but I always hit the ground?
* "Get fat or die trying" American proverb.
* A poet should write music using letters instead of notes.

Ода за рибите

Всяка риба заслужава уважение
Потънала дълбоко в синьо
Загубена из своето въображение

Ихтюс-Божи син,
един-недостижим

Всяка риба е в живота си сама
За човек вечеря е добра
Но и сред пасаж е винаги една

Ихтюс-Божие дете
никой няма да те разбере

Плуваш в свое собствено море
Желания различни изпълняваш
С цветове като на звучно кабаре
Наслада на очите ни даряваш
Рибке, дано малко и за себе си оставиш
Защото лошо е в свои води да се удавиш

Чудна си отвън, прекрасна си отвътре
Там предполага се, че бъдещето пазиш
Ще ми кажеш ли каква ще бъдеш утре?

Кротка, тиха, предпазлива
(умна, гъвкава, игрива)
Ти не може да си просто риба

Само тъй ни заблуждаваш
Само тъй ни разиграваш


(ех, велика риба)


*бел. Ихтюс- в превод значи риба, акроним на Исус Христос Син Божи от древногръцки мисля.

A Fisherman in sight

Planted firmly by the sea
A wooden rod stable on his knee
A fisherman is killing time
Not really fishing
With rods he won't earn a dime
He's just missing
Missing something in the picture

They try to tell him this world's big
No, he says the sea is vast
and he is tall
But the world is infinately small
So the future and the past
They clash and flash in your brain- hall

The Fisherman knows best
He doesn't care for the rest
If it's my opinion or your truth
The tomato is a fruit
So I say to your dismay
It's his fisher's way

There and Then

Там и тогава
ти остана
сам
в празната забрава
няма нужда от мечти
нямаш нужда от очи
там
тогава и сега
виждаш винаги с ръце
защото нямаш за целта сърце

Намирам се

Днес е един от дните..на ръба на съществуването. В това мрачно, обично мое време неща като пространство, мисли, съдба, копнежи и страхове, всичко се оплита в главата ми, а аз съм пасивна. Иска ми се да създавам, а не просто да седя, но дори и на мен ми трябва понякога почивка. Чудя се само до колко тази е породена от реална физическа нужда или от нещо друго. Всички отгорови са ми в главата, решението също, но къде е проклетата ми воля и сила да действам? Изяждам се сама в подобни положения. Харесва ли ми да се самобичувам и да съм разочарована от себе си или какво?

И днес ще отмине, утре всичко ще е различно. А дали? Вероятно да. В състояние, в което с всяка минута настъпва изменение, а ти не се радваш, не може да се чувстваш добре, можеш да чакаш благоприятната промяна и да пишеш и лееш глупости, крепени на някаква надежда. Да чакаш нещо да ти внуши отново смисъл, или поне удоволствие от живота за да спреш да се питаш за смисъла му и собственото си парадоксално и неползотворно съществуване.

Понякога си мисля, че мога да сънувам, да спя и това да ми е приятно. Да виждам в този паралелен свят своя покой, неговата магическа чернова, която да ме насочи. Нищо такова засега не съм съзряла, но поне знаците за опасност и бягане стихнаха, отдръпнаха се от мен. Какво ме тормози напоследък? Глобланото унищожение появило се в тийнейджърска просъница? Глупости. Винаги един е бил страхът ми- хората. Защото от себе си и от своите винаги най-много трябва да се плашиш, най-силно да ги презираш и най-страстно да ги обичаш. Дали е природно заложено или просто е най-разумно, не мисля, че има толкова важно значение. Някъде между всички мисли и лутания и търсения се намирам аз. Спотаена, с пълен потенциал, с повече сила, по-малко човек и повече себе си.

Ако някой ме види- моля да ме уведоми. Аз съм тук, на номер 18, и чакам.

Oh well, what the Hell

Dirt on your face
a public disgrace
Don't look at me mate
You're just out-of-date
Just whistle today
Just whistle for tomorrow
Pretend that you pay
While you always borrow
Tell yourself
Oh well, what the Hell
The world is ending yesterday
anyway
And it's not like I want to stay
here today

As people moan
As people groan
You know it's helpless to fight
You rebel for your own delight
But hey what the hell
Who can actually tell
If there's something better to do
Singing about woes, or me and you?
Hey, hey, you
Sniffing cheap glue
I offer you cake
I offer you voice
It's yours to take
It's your choice
to make
They may say it's wrong
They may say it's bad
But you just grab the bong
It's a solace to be mad

The big man hands you some fame
After 5 years it'll feel lame
The big man does not give a damn
Well you tell him the same
Just whistle today
Just whistle for tomorrow
Pretend that you pray?
Act like you're so full of sorrow?
The world is ending yesterday
anyway
And it's not like I want to stay
here today

Why should I care if I'm dead
This world never felt I'm living
Why should I have this head
It never did any good thinking
Oh well, what the Hell
Oh well, what the Hell
I see no point in crying
I see no point in regret
Maybe there is fun in trying
Maybe it's just some God's bet
Oh well, what the Hell
Oh well, what the Hell
I smile and give my consent
I smile cause I'm innocent
So cut here, set me free
We'll live higher, maybe plant a tree
Strike me off, set me free
I never tire, maybe I'm not me
I don't care
It's reality
If it's not fair
or out of morality
I still wanna live this life
not merely survive
No, I don't wanna have a wife
It's not for what I strive
You gotta believe in me
You gotta believe in me
But if you don't
Well I won't
make you
take you
save you
grave you
I'll just pass you by
singing
Oh well, what the Hell

If all that's great's already done
I'll die trying to be the only one

Development

I was walking to a strange house
told me it's my home
I was wearing a navy colored blouse
On it wrote "alone"
I was staring kinda baffled
My face seemed perplexed
It's a thing I always battled
It's a thing far too complexed

My brain can't seem to remember
Why my legs brought me here
The calendar says that it's December
The voice "It's June, my dear"


Next day I found myself a little spider
told me I should sniff some
Next thing I know the room grew wider
little spider is now fearsome
I was somewhat scared
I was somewhat stoned
I did things I never dared
I acted like I've growned

My brain can't seem to remember
If I saw a spider on that day
My calendar says it's November
My eyes say it's only May





['ve got no home
've got no phone
I've got coke
I've got a road
no solicitude
no peace of mind
've got no power
someone says that I should fight]